Lazy blogging

Before I get into this blog, let me take the lazy way out and just cross post all the articles that I've written, that have been published before I start with new thoughts.

Frankie and Johnny

Frankie and Johnny

Boy meets girl is always an intriguing tale. No matter the situation, it is always peppered with its share of dramatic, comic, romantic (and for the more liberated) pornographic moments. In recent years, a new kind of relationship has been more accepted and for some coveted in our country when in the past, it was very much frowned upon.
Case in point, Frankie (Francesca) and Johnny (uh..John with a ny) are in love. It is total bliss. They are a match on almost every level: mentally, spiritually and emotionally. So when Frankie finally brings Johnny home to meet her parents…the meeting almost ends in tears and a screaming match. Why? Although equal on everything under the skin, the skin part itself is…to put it literally and figuratively, worlds apart. Johnny needs a visa to enter Frankie’s country and vice versa.
Welcome to the wonderful world of interracial romance. The recent influx of movies have made a mint out of the laughable and heartfelt differences that may first repel one from the other, and eventually bring them together. Spanglish, Guess Who, got moviegoers chuckling, and relating to the uncomfortable situations posed on screen. In real life though, it isn’t all that easy. Filipinos tend to live with their parents until they’re off to get married, although for financial reasons, they may opt to stay put even after matrimony. So, (and you’ve heard it before) if you’re still under your parent’s roof, most of the time you’re also under their rules. Their “rules” though sometimes extend to their own biases about what we should do and even who you should date.
For most traditional families, the rule is “stick to your own kind”; they believe that in relationships, the less you have to get over (in other words, differences) the better the chances are for a longer lasting union. Race, of course is a BIG difference and it’s not something that for obvious reasons can be changed by any amount of therapy, plastic surgery, or exorcism. The good thing is the world does move on, and so do tastes, preferences and likes. I have come to observe that in recent years most of my sex, who are also at par with me on the social and educational food chain are showing a distinct favoring of those who hail from a different country. You’re talking change of scene? We’re talking TOTAL change of scene here. In general, if you’re an active, outspoken, outgoing female, then generally every “hotspot” has become a deadspot…so off into unexplored territory we go…
Filipino men find it a little baffling, this attraction toward the white, Latin, black or yellow man. How can these women possibly want something beyond the perfection that lies within their shores?! (Men, of course, say this as they casually flip through the scores of obviously non-Filipina, fair-skinned, light-haired voluptuous flesh in a Victoria’s Secret catalog) “It’s a fetish!” they moan as you take the magazines away. For women, it’s like the great white hope. Pico Iyer, the famous travel writer, once said ‘’Foreignness is an intoxicant…When we see people from our own community we’re particularly sensitive to all the things that are wrong with them. When we see people from another community we’re alive to what’s refreshing about them.” In our land of 76 regions, this can even apply to inter-provincial relationships.
Growing up, I was warned by my well-meaning parents to avoid going out with men who came from a once very affluent province in the south. When I started going out with someone more northern bred, I was warned by well-meaning friends it would never work out. The ironic thing is, both parties gave the same reasons why. Maybe you can ask your girlfriend or female buddies about this, I’m sure they will be more than willing to tell you. In my opinion, the main attraction most women feel when going out with a foreigner is that they can break the pretenses and the conventional rules of conduct that have bound them in their past. They can speak their mind, they can actually prioritize their career (most expatriates are here to work so they don’t mind if their partner is working too), they may learn a foreign language, and an added perk is they may have a “home” one day in another part of the world.
I may be trivializing the attraction a bit, since everyone’s story is different. Here’s a tip though, you are supposed to love a person for what sets them apart from the rest…that’s the reason (hopefully) you chose to be with her. Let her own brand of foreignness be your intoxicant, and allow yourself to be lost in it. In turn, allow her to discover just how open-minded, accepting and passionate you are about her. She will probably be a lot more patriotic.

Heat

HEAT
By Katrina A. Holigores

There is nothing more nerve wracking than being “set-up”. Blind dates can strike terror into the hearts of men and women alike. Not immune to the anticipation (sometimes excitement, sometimes dread) the dater and datee try and do as much “research” on each other as they possibly can. They leave to fate (or trusted friends) to see if chemistry will be present on the big night. Set-ups may be seen as a wonderful opportunity to fall in love forevermore, find a new friend or, show a complete stranger what a total loser you are. The pressure is on. When you ask for advice on how you should behave or act, you will normally hear “Just be yourself”. Sounds simple enough right? What do you think?

Pre-date is always the most tense, especially if one doesn’t know HOW the other looks. You’ve heard the following before “Is she hot?” “She’s really, really nice”. All of a sudden you think of what could possibly walk out that door as you pull up in front of her house and it’s almost like the A/C in your car has seized to work. Sweating is never glamourous and you feel the heat, not in a very flattering way. Another factor that may add more flame to the fire is when pulling up in front of dates residence you realize that her house is the same size as a small African village. You glance nervously at the phalanx of security guards and European cars just inside the iron gates and wish you had never agreed.

Finally, after a couple of quick sniffs at certain body parts to insure that the heat has not caused unwanted emanations you politely ask for your date. Depending on the MO of the house you either wait outside or are escorted in. Whether this is your first blind date of your fiftieth you can never be totally prepared for what’s about to happen. Maybe the best piece of advice to follow is no matter what comes out to greet you, always, always, be polite and gracious. Even if you look like a matinee idol with the body to boot, no one will be able to see past bad manners. If her father or mother (or both) come across you first, if you are seated STAND up and for God’s sake be man enough to say good evening and introduce yourself and who you are waiting for. (You never know, there could be more than one blind date occurring that night)

So date comes out and you realize (with a slowly sinking heart) that it is NOT the woman of your dreams (you just KNOW, you tell yourself) and resisting the urge to escape you greet her and escort her to your car. Common decency will alert you to walk at pace with her ( not twenty steps ahead) and to open the car door waiting for her to sit down comfortably before closing it ( LOOK before you slam it to avoid bloodshed). And off you go. Small talk in the car is a must, and it would be good if you could book dinner or drinks in a relatively quiet place that is in close proximity to her house, so the small talk doesn’t have too many uncomfortable gaps. Bear in mind to LISTEN to whatever she says, she may just say something that is interesting, funny, or psychotic.



Dinner time. Hopefully, you have taken it upon yourself to do two things: One, called your date before the night to ask her about any dietary preferences, you do not want to take an animal rights activist to the best steakhouse in town. Second you called the restaurant ahead to make reservations. During dinner if asked about what you do, try and relate your field of work to something current, ESPECIALLY if it’s a job that is not very common. Of course if you say “I’m a doctor” and she gives you a blank stare then think of her as an organ donor. When she talks about what she does, if you really don’t understand ASK. It may open up other fields of interest, or common friends. As an icebreaker you can also ask how she knew or met whoever it was who set the two of you up. Aside from listening to what she’s saying pay attention to what YOU’RE saying. There is a big difference between being arrogant and being confident about what you do. It’s also not a competition, so don’t blow up what you do in order to impress, sooner or later the truth will come out.

How the date ends is entirely up to you. Do remember that getting to know someone in a span of 2-4 hours is not really fair, we all have our good and our bad days and everyone deserves a chance. Take the heat off by being truthful and simple with your words and your actions. If you are nice and sincere she will remember it, even if you also don’t turn out to be the “One.” Remember, just because your date is not your type, she may have hot friends or relatives, who are.

City Hall

City Hall
(Love and Other Catastrophes)
Katrina A. Holigores


What is it with women and celebrations? Why does everything have to be perfect? From a simple party to a walk down the aisle everything has to be absolute magic. Most men I have come across would rather not be bothered with the frivolities of preparing for an event and would rather stay true to the age old one liner “I just want to show up.” Many a lady friend has thrown her hands up in frustration as she badgers, threatens, blackmails and crocodile tears her mate to get more “involved” in the process. To be honest, I like planning things like dinners, trips out of town, but only in terms of logistics, giving it an extra special twist is not my thing, and I can completely understand the rolling eye bit my boyfriends go through when the very mention of “What do you think about….” Comes round. There are just some things that men (and some women) don’t bother with. If you prefer ESPN to ETC. then it’s highly likely that you care about what color dress she wears, what kind of cake she’s going to buy (butter cream and fondant?) and how she’s going to seat people together. Maybe you’re one of those guys who has only two things in mind when it comes to the perfect event...beer and, lots of it.

Sounds a little harsh doesn’t it? May ring true for you, or may just need a little bit of tweaking. Of COURSE you want to get involved in the preparation, but isn’t the big day the BRIDE’S day? You whimper. (this could also apply to a barbecue, a movie date or a reunion…and you may not even be married) In short, in line with any social event that involves making decisions OTHER than logistical ones (even those may be challenging) most men would just rather “show up”. This may be too presumptuous of me but I’m pretty sure that if men had their way, their matrimonial journey would be a simple trip to city hall. That’s it, no frills, not much cash out, just a couple of signatures and you’re good to go. (Straight to the more predictable outcome of a wedding night).The thing is, gentlemen, most women equate the care, precision and “special” touches that they add to transform a mundane to marvelous fete as their love for you. Yeah really. In other words, if you’re not “WOWED” by what is prepared with you in mind, then, she thinks, you’re not “WOWED” with her either.

I know, I know, there are probably lots of able minded, highly successful, uber self assured women out there who would scoff at my seemingly simplistic equation. But I would like to challenge these women to throw the men in their life a surprise birthday or anniversary party and not go COMPLETELY out of their way to outdo the Sultan of Brunei’s party planners. Women are generally more romantic than men, that’s why just simply getting down on one knee in even the most minimal of settings and using cheesy “style mong bulok” lines such as “What are you doing for the rest of your life” STILL WORKS…and how. We women all have a little Martha Stewart (or Bree Van de Camp) eagerly awaiting a chance to shine. And when you are asked for your opinion, it’s because we want you to at least “like” something we like, even if deep inside you don’t really care. Make an effort to care, because it’s important to us. Of course, there will be times that your opinion won’t really make a difference (when a girl decides, that’s normally a done deal) but it would be nice for you to share your thoughts every now and then. (But be ready for some heat)

Am not trying to say any of this to scare you, and this is probably why a lot of men just clam up when asked to comment on this or that…they don’t want to get into a fight, and that’s completely understandable. As someone’s partner though, you do remember that you DO have a say if the particular event involves you ( especially if you’re footing the bill) and even an argument should not be viewed as a negative thing because it WILL help open up the communication lines between the two of you. You never know, she may actually see things in a different light, specifically yours. As always, any relationship is a give and take, and there are always compromises, you can go from city hall to Taj Mahal, but the wonderful thing is you will be taking this journey together. And for the most party, in harmony.